Your Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

- Kahlil Gibran

Spiritual Journey

Do you ever find your path crossing with someone over and over again and you don’t know why? They seem familiar somehow, like you’ve known them your whole life except you don’t? Your attraction to them is their spirit maybe? Maybe you’ve known them in past life, or maybe they remind you of someone you’ve known before….before what? Maybe it’s chemical?

We are born to the beings that shape our lives, and inform our being….Our parents are what we aspire to be or spend our lives trying not to be. Suppossedly the "spirit" enters the body during conception.

The constant question underlying my life is: who am I really? What is my pupose? Who am I now as a parent? What do I want from this life for me, what is my role for my children?

This past week my sister in law’s father passed away. One minute she was calling to say she could not visit because her dad was doing poorly (Alzheimer’s) and the next time I spoke with her (2 days later) he was gone. Sudden. Definite. Dead.

Life is short, or…. life is long.
I’m not sure which thought I subscribe to because I agree with both.

Sometimes my life feels like a sliding door. If I had made a different decision, my life would have been forever altered…. why am I here now? What's the next step?

Life and all of its mysteries fascinate me. The reason I choose to believe in the afterlife has more to do with the mystery of it all….and the fact that I want the answers someday.

In my dreams I am sitting with (GOD?) asking him… “ok, so why did this happen? “
“Ok so then when so and so came into my life what was the significance of that?”

We live, we love, we breathe, we work, we fight, we think, we are….. And then we are gone.

The closest I have ever felt to living is loving. I love in my dreams all the time… like someone I have been searching for all my life is sometimes realized in my dreams except they show up as people I may have only met in passing, or someone I do not know at all yet they are completely familiar.

One would think that the person I have been searching for all my life is my husband…but this is not romance I am speaking of…it’s ????

Sometimes I have to remember the quote “ we are spiritual beings having human experience” and so I pause and wonder…. and wonder...and wonder.

Wherever you go....

Our family has moved out of Newport to a house I've always dreamed of having. Nothing Fancy, but big, plenty of room, and a great yard where the kids can play. I'm present to the fact that I have made myself several promises that I intend to keep, and now have to somehow fit them in my schedule. I have been telling myself for months that I will work out again after we move, that I will start cooking again and taking time for myself after we move, that I will be able to relax more after we move.

The thing I've learned so far about moving is that wherever you go...there you are.
Unless I actually set up a structure to support me in my new intentions, they will never keep.

BYOB

This coming week Little Bits is running a promotion in the store to encourage our customers to bring their own shopping bag to recieve a 20% discount on purchases.

I went grocery shopping yesterday and was already AT the check out line when I realized that I had forgotton all about my pledge to ALWAYS bring my own canvas bags with me.

Sometimes I realize that the road ahead for most of us will be long and arduous for being the change we want to see happen in the world.

As much as I want to be a part of that movement every single day, old habits die hard.

The Lump

Ok, so someone told me recently that if you want to know what having a mammogram is like you should stand at a super awkward angle in front of the freezer door, open it, and proceed to slam the door on your breast several times.

I was giggling nervously when she asked me to position myself at the oddest angle on top of what seemed to be a tricked out copy machine.

When she manhandled the first breast into position (and I do not have large breasts) I braced myself for the pain. There really wasn’t any, but I was horrified to look down once the waffle press was in place to see that my boob was as flat and round as a thin crust pizza. She asked me “not to breathe” while she took the photos and then she repeated the process with barely a whisper of foreplay on the second breast. “Wow”…I remember saying, “I never knew they could do that.”

I sat in the waiting room with two other victims, waiting while “the doctor” viewed the slides. She popped her head in a moment later to let me know that everything looked “just fine” and that I should continue to “check in” for additional mammograms. Great, I’d rather chew tin-foil.

So I guess I’m fine.

Thanks to my friends who I never even knew actually read my blog? For your concern and your prayers…!!!! (I love you!)

Monica

Breathe

Lately I've been feeling something in my chest on my left side.
I keep ignoring it, and thinking it will go away. I've been doing self breast exams since I was a teen, and quite frankly don't think I would know a lump if I felt one. My doctor asked me recently to go and get a mammogram. "It's time for that already?"
He says I should have had one two years ago at age thirty five....

So what would i do if my exam shows something? The dreaded c word.
How would my husband react? Who would we be with a disease between us in our bed each night? How would we explain to the children?

Sometimes I think to myself,(which I do in first person)
"Monica, your only job in this life is to breathe and pay taxes. Nothing else really matters so why do you continue to let stress in your life and make time for it over excercising or eating correctly?...what's it going to take?"

I don't have an answer for myself just yet.

Mothers Day Humble Pie

My fourth grade catholic school teacher Miss Borowski described purgatory as being unbearably thirsty for a drink of water.

She told me to visualize standing in a long line at the fountain just waiting as the line inched along, my need for water more and more acute. I could view the student in front of myself satisfying their thirst as they took deep satisfying gulps and finally they are done. They swipe at their chin with a satisfied look. I could already taste the cold of the water, the relief, and knew that my turn was finally here….and then I would be forced to go to the very end of the endless line and start all over again.

So.... Is this motherhood or am I just in purgatory?

As mother’s day approaches I am writing in reverence to those who have survived, and managed to raise small screaming children into rational and courteous human beings. I salute your patience, your resolve, your ability to take joy in precious moments along with all of the times you just wanted to give up and scream I QUIT! You managed to begin almost every day with a smile on your face and you tended to every need we had while also doing EVERYTHING ELSE.

Dear Mom, May 2007


I am sorry I was such a sassy, ungrateful, willful, stubborn, brat of a child for 16 long years. I get it now…It’s late for apologies, I know, but perhaps now it would help you (me?) to hear me say how much I truly appreciate how hard it is to be a mom, and how much I respect and admire the very ground you walk on.
I have eaten an entire humble pie, and I am full.

Happy Mothers Day.

All my love,

Monica

The Perfect Day

Today was a perfect Sunday.
It was gorgeous outside but I never left the house.
I played with my kids on the floor of the living room and watched them laugh and dance and play.
I lit candles and played great music, and cooked.
I cleaned the back room of our kitchen and reorganized all the shelves and vacuumed and washed the floors.
I put away all the christmas ornaments and got out the superglue to fix all of the broken pieces of things that haave been hanging around forever.
I mailed two thank you cards, and managed to get my four year old to help me set the table for dinner, and at 5pm, a lovely steamed fish dinner was ready to eat complete with candles on the table and a cold beer.

We finished up the evening with the four of us reading "Zen Shorts" and laughing at my husband who sang us silly songs before we went to bed.

Nothing could have been better.
I was enough for the day, and the day was enough for me.
What a gift.

With My Own Two Hands

The gifting season, true to form, creeps up on me unawares directly after Thanksgiving. This weekend we loaded the kids in the car and headed to the local farm to choose our tree and set it up near the fireplace. My small children took turns putting the golden balls on branches and my four year old got busy asking questions about Santa’s pending visit.

As I think about the gifts I want for my family this Christmas I find myself wondering if I will be able to avoid the temptation of buying my Daughter the plastic Barbie she insists is the only thing her heart truly desires. I try to look for opportunities to pepper our conversations these days with do’s and don’ts for the environment, and plastic toys seem to be at the top of our discussion list. Last night she asked me if Santa was going to get the Barbie for her anyway.

It is a challenge to stay the course during moments like this. As evidenced by the endless walls of plastic toys, mainstream manufacturers do not seem to care about the environmental crisis we are facing, so why should I? The answer is simple, it is who I am. I know that if I do my “little bit” to change the world then my friends and children might catch on and do the same. I also know that if something doesn’t change, my kids will find themselves with an even larger slate of environmental issues than we face today.

When I started my company, Little Bits, it was of top importance for me to incorporate the concept of doing a “little bit” into my business model. I challenged myself to be an active participant in affecting change in some way. And a challenge it was to marry my do-gooder ideals with my desire to join and profit from the “consumer” mentality upon which this country thrives. But I think I found the formula… one shopper at a time.

Our company’s goal is “to inspire our customer in thought deed and style” and we do so by manufacturing and selling quality products by other manufacturers who want to do their little bit as well. Whether it be wooden toys, products made from recycled materials, or products meant to preserve disposable items like car seats and strollers, our goal is to sell things that make sense to the betterment of our planet. Our clothing lines represent designers who are doing their little bit in some way by either using organic fibers, giving a portion of their proceeds to a worthy cause, or offering a different and valuable perspective through their brand. We sell open ended toys that encourage imagination, as well as books that teach kids about how precious our planet is. And each of our sales staff is trained with talking points for customers about how to do their little bit.

It all sounds a bit stuffy when I write about it, but I assure you our award-winning store is a place of fun, color and enlightenment. The majority of our customers take the opportunity to tell us how special and different a place to shop we have. And a good number of socially active celebrities shop our website and buy our Little Bits line of car seat covers to preserve and stylize their kid’s car seats. These little things make me proud.

Lately I have found a new source of inspiration in, believe it or not, Hollywood. When I watch a movie like Warner Brother’s “Happy Feet,” which through the façade of a fantastically entertaining film, clearly aims to teach children about the treacherous state of our oceans, I am hopeful. And every time I listen to Jack Johnson’s brilliant soundtrack to the Curious George movie (The Three R’s: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, a catchy little tune), I am reminded to continue doing my little bit. If even pop culture is starting to go “green” and do its little bit in the name of the environment and world peace, then I know I am on the right track, and the validation feels good.

Some days, especially at home, validation is harder to come by. Often my idealistic efforts feel like a losing battle and I start to lose steam. But once in a while my kids offer me little glimmers of hope, like last night when I overheard my little girl tell her babysitter about the importance of recycling. She is actually spreading the word! Maybe tomorrow when my daughter resumes her line of questions about Santa’s visit I will explain to her that Santa is not actually red; that this year and forever more in our household, Santa will be green. For some reason, even with all of her four-year-old brilliance, I don’t think she’ll get it.



Some suggestions on how to begin doing your little bit…

• Recycle. Teach your kids how to do it, and make it a household word in your home… Listen to Jack Johnson’s new album and groove out to The Three R’s.
• Just say NO to plastic toys. If the demand dwindles, so will the supply. Wooden toys will only enhance your children’s capacity for intellect and imagination.
• Get dirty…garden with your kids, grow vegetables in your yard and develop a relationship between your children yourself and earth. Start a compost pile in the yard so that your kids can understand how nutrients and soil regenerate and give back soil you grow in.
  Go on hikes, take out nature themed books from the library.
• Start shopping Organic at the grocery store…start with milk and even making this one change will support the movement
• Start paying attention to where your clothing is made, and what it’s made from
• Introduce your kids to other cultures and perspectives. Instead of buying another toy this Christmas, maybe sponsor a less fortunate child from another land in your child’s name at http://www.savethechildren.org/. They might actually make a friend for life.